[seul-edu] schoolforge mission statement rewrite/summary

[David Bucknell <david@iteachnet.com>]

My latest suggestion:

<<Members of the Schoolforge Coalition have the common goals of producing
and fostering free and open source tools and curricula in education. Our
aim is to collaborate on focusing our efforts in order to make them both
more effective and efficient. We are convinced that free and open source
solutions are right for education, and want to make it easier for others
to learn why.

Below are recommended starting points for those seeking particular kinds
of information. We also invite you to visit the list of members to see
what more each has to offer.

1. [I considered adding a specific list of things that could be learned
from the participating sites, but decided that, on the first page, brevity was
more important than full information.]

2. [I added "producing" in response to what I think are well-founded
requests that we not only foster new projects, but also those that already
exist.]

3. [It was pointed out to me by George Marsh that "foster" means "to
promote the growth or development of" ... and so implies "advocacy," etc.]

4. [There was a suggestion to write "focus on" with which I don't agree
because the point is to bring many efforts "into focus."]

Original:



<<Members of the Schoolforge Coaltion have the common goal of advocating
the
use of free and open source tools and curricula in education, and
assisting
them in their successful use and maintenance. We aim to make our efforts
more
effective and efficient by collaborating on and focusing our efforts,
because
we are convinced that free and open source solutions are right for
education.
The road to free and open source technology and curricula is the road to
effective and sustainable school program development. At the Coalition
sites
below, visitors will find the information and tools they need to assist
them
at all stages of their journey.>>

From Doug Loss:
Slight rewrite for pedantic reasons. | "Members of the Schoolforge
Coaltion have the common goals of advocating the use of free and open
source tools and curricula in education and assisting in their
successful use and maintenance." | The "them" in the original would refer
to the tools; this makes the two branchos of the prepositional clause
following "of" equivalent in structure and clearer in meaning. | Just
getting my grammatical chops in.

Members of the Schoolforge Coalition have the common goals of advocating
the use of free and open source tools and curricula in education and
assisting in their successful maintenance. We aim to make our individual
efforts more effective and efficient by collaborating and focusing them,
because we are convinced tht free and open source solutions are right for
education.


>| We aim to make our efforts more
>| effective and efficient by collaborating on and focusing our efforts,
because
>| we are convinced that free and open source solutions are right for
education.

"We aim to make our individual efforts more effective and efficient by
collaborating and focusing on them, because we are convinced that free
and open source solutions are right for education." | Similar reasoning
to the first sentence; I added "individual" to "our efforts" to show
that these were efforts of the coalition members rather than of the
coalition itself. | Rather than repeat "our efforts," I went with "them'
to make the sentence flow better.

>| The road to free and open source technology and curricula is the road
to
>| effective and sustainable school program development. At the Coalition
sites
>| below, visitors will find the information and tools they need to assist
them
>| at all stages of their journey.>>
>|
>| Suggestions, alternatives?
>|
I hope you don't mind a little editing. | I guess I got the editing genes
from my father, was was a newspaperman for 32 years.