Draft Constitution

["Tony Joblin" <tonyjoblin@yahoo.com.au>]

Dear Computerbank,

I have some more suggestions for the draft constitution.

Section 3 Objectives

In two places here the document starts to explain the reasons behind an
objective rather than just stating the objective:

"3.1 a) ii) Furnishing the donated computers with Free and Open Source
operating and application software to enable recipients to learn, upgrade
and use these systems without financial burden;"

The bit after the "... to enable..."

"3.1 b)Promote the objectives of the Free Software Foundation, Open Source
computing, the contribution  of GNU/Linux to accessible computing and the
use of the Linux computer operating system, since  these elements enable
disadvantaged individuals, families and community groups to use  Information
Technology without financial hindrance or lack of access to information and
knowledge"

The bit after "...since..."

I don't think in the constitution it is required or necessary to start
giving explanations or discussions of the background to an objective. By
doing this you also make the document less concise. I would write these
sections as

"Furnishing the donated computers with Free and Open Source operating and
application software."

"Promote the objectives of the Free Software Foundation, Open Source
computing, the contribution of GNU/Linux to accessible computing and the use
of the Linux computer operating system."

Note: The above paragraph uses both the terms "GNU/Linux" and "Linux" I
think some terms need to be clarified here and use one or the other. Also by
mentioning Linux are you intentionally excluding other options like BSD,
would it be preferable to use something more neutral eg "Free Software".
This sentence also seems to say a mouth full. Maybe you could simplify it to
something like this:

"To promote the use of Free Software by individuals, families and community
groups."

"3.1 a) iv) Providing, encouraging and promoting free training in the use of
Computerbank computers to disadvantaged recipients."

I would drop the encouraging and promoting bits. While this section
specifically refers to Computerbank computers, you may also want to provide
training to people or organisations who have their own PCs or more general
IT training.

"3.1 a) iv) Provide training in the use of computers and information
technology to approved recipients."

In the opening paragraph of section 3.1 the document uses the term
"disadvantaged individuals, families and community groups". Following that
there are a number of terms used, disadvantaged applicants, approved
recipients, disadvantaged recipients etc. Following the first paragraph in
3.1 I would suggest using a single term consistently eg approved recipients.

Thats enough for one email, more later.

Tony Joblin, President
Computerbank Queensland
07 3371 1311 (working hours)
cbq-exec@dstc.edu.au


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